I had an appointment at our local health center today. I hate mass health centers, but its the only OB/GYN practice in my area that takes medicare. It would never be my first choice to get care there. You need a small amount of backstory, but the incident deserves a post in of itself when I'm ready. Here.
DH and I were TTC. I finally got my BFP January 10th. We were excited (thrilled, actually). We told friends, family members. We were shopping for cloth diapers and looking into birthing tubs. At 8 weeks I started spotting. At nine weeks, three days, we miscarried. My body apparently refused to release the pregnancy, and so the decision was made that I should take Cytotec to help things along.
The midwife that I saw for that visit was fantastic. She cried with me in the exam room. We discussed side effects, trying to conceive again, even fertility treatments. When I arrived today for my two week check up, I expected the same treatment, even if it wasn't the same practicioner. Damn...I was wrong.
I expect to wait to be seen. I always come prepared with books or magazines. I knew it would be difficult to be surrounded by pregnant bellies and newborns. I had steeled myself for that. Even the inevitable screw ups (they tried to discharge me after my bloodwork and before I'd seen the nurse). I was zen. I was prepared. (I just wanted to get it over with.)
So, here I am -naked from the waist down, clutching my paper sheet- truly wanting the exam over with so that I can discuss trying to conceive again. In comes my nurse, without knocking, without telling me her name. She hollers over her shoulder "chaperone in four!" and sits in front of me. As she's checking my cervix, we're playing 20 questions. Most of these are things I'd expect....bleeding, cramping, etc. She asks me if I'd like a script for birth control, and I tell her no...we'd like to try again. Then it comes.
"Well...how many children do you have now?"
(we have three)
"Well...if you really think you NEED another baby, I'd suggest waiting at least three months. Really take the time to think it over. Oh...and you may want to consider using that time to lose some weight, as well. You don't want to be pregnant as heavy as you are."
I was shocked. Stunned. Lying flat on my back with some strange womans fingers inside of me as she's pressing on my uterus and giving me reproductive advice. WTF. She babbled on about calling with my blood test results as she was tossing her gloves in the trash and heading out the door. I'm not sure I was really hearing her. The same two thoughts kept circling in my brain:
I shouldn't want another baby.
I'm too fat to have another baby?
I shouldn't want another baby.
I dressed and checked out, alternating between wanting to cry and being furious. By the time I got home, fury was reigning, and I let DH know with no holds barred exactly how I was feeling. His response? Screw her. File a complaint. Damn doctors...what do they know?
I have to wonder what I looked like to this woman. A welfare mom, milking the system? Some unmarried woman with three baby daddies living off the state? Did she think she was doing me a kindness in urging me not to procreate? Did she see me at all, or was she thinking about what she'd have for lunch when she was done with my chart?
This clinic, I'm sure, sees lots of single moms. I'm sure they see moms with multiple children, moms who are out of work, moms using welfare, moms who are minorities. There's nothing wrong with needing help from social services....that's why they're there. Whats wrong is treating me as if I'm some kind of fat ignorant breeder. No compassion. No interaction. Not even a drip of humanity.
Where does this leave me?
It doesn't make me want to stop trying to get pregnant. What it makes me is unwilling to return to the health clinic. I flirted with the idea of unassisted birth because I'm so nauseated at the idea of walking back into that clinic "in a motherly way."
But... babies need prenatal care. And so do mommies to be. I've started looking at smaller practices, run by midwives, but I've found that even those that accept my insurance want to be paid up front and ahead of time, and let you be reimbursed after the delivery. I don't have $3300 just hanging around in my back pocket.
So...what to do? What DO I do?
No fucking clue.
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Wow that's a tough one. People can be so ignorant. I say hold your head up high and prove to that lady what a great mother/woman you are! Don't let her steer you in any way you don't want to go, positive thoughts are headed your way. I hope all goes well with TTC, and sorry for your loss of your last baby. It's not easy, I know. <3
ReplyDeleteYou bring up some very valid points about what is wrong with our system. I do think that providers are only as good as they are personally in the sense that they are probably the same way in a social setting as well. We are busy, but you shouldn't feel like that. I suppose out of the 150-200 people I see a week there might be one or a few that feel that way, but I do try. I think that when my patients tell me their complaints it is instructive and informative as I will always try to improve myself and the functioning of my office. With regards to that nurse practitioner, you can't really write to the nursing board because of her lack of bed side manner, but you can write to the clinic and maybe the doctor than runs the place has received multiple complaints and needs to hear your as well.
ReplyDeleteHopefully you ill be able to find someone that fits your personality and will not treat you as you have been in the past.